Monthly Archives: June 2016

The Dirty Dozen: Part I It’s a Dangerous World Out There, but Your Favorite Summer Activity Doesn’t Have To Be

Don't let your summer fun be spoiled by a bad decision.

Don’t let your summer fun be spoiled by a bad decision.

Summer is in full swing, and millions of people are spending more time outdoors than ever before. Pirates, mariners, tourists, and sailors. Swimmers, kayakers, hikers, and bikers. With a world full of creepy, crawly things on land and sea, what’s a pirate to do?

Relax, inhale, take another sip of your Starbucks or your Margarita, and let me remind you of the Dirty Dozen. These are the little spoilers that can pop up at any moment and spoil an otherwise perfect day of fun in the sun. With a little forethought, you can wake up tomorrow refreshed instead of nursing wounds you might well have avoided. Here they are in no particular order.

Rip Tides. Did you know there are over 370,000 drowning deaths a year worldwide? While getting caught in a riptide may seem like a death warrant, it doesn’t have to be. It happens like this. The sandy bottom under your feet is suddenly sucked out from under you, and your whole body is dragged rapidly from the shore. No matter how hard you fight, you are swept farther and farther from shore. It’s hard not to, but remember not to panic. Rip tides are powerful only near the shore and quickly lose their power.

Instead of fighting it, let it carry you out. Then swim a few yards parallel to the shore before attempting to swim back in. Because rip tides are only a few yards wide, you’ll be free of its grasp. To avoid rip tides entirely, pay attention to your surroundings. If lifeguards have posted warnings, heed them. If there are no guards, stay with other swimmers where it’s safe.

Drinking While Boating. Did you know according to United States Coast Guard statistics that alcohol resulted in 228 injuries last year and 91 deaths? No one’s saying you can’t go out on the water and imbibe. Go ahead. Drink enough to satisfy a whole shipload of pirates. Just don’t get behind the wheel.  The penalties for drunk boating are the same as they are for drunk driving. Why turn a fun day on the water into a nightmare? Do you really want to end your day sitting in your wet bathing suit in lock-up with Bubba staring at you? For more tips on safe boating, visit http://uscgboating.org/statistics/accident_statistics.php

Dehydration. Whether you’re out for a morning jog bearing down on mile thirteen like my daughter Jennifer often does, or standing in line at the waterpark, your body is sweating, and when it’s sweating, it’s losing valuable fluids that control your core temperature. To keep it healthy and happy, you need to drink about three quarts of water or juice a day. Of course, it’s not quite that simple. The more you’re sweating, the more you need to drink. People who weigh more need to drink more. Those who spend a good deal of time in the sun like laborers or sun-worshippers need more fluids.

If you’re feeling lightheaded, get out of the sun, and hydrate. If your urine is dark, you’re already dehydrated. And don’t limit yourself to water. Replace lost electrolytes with drinks like Gatorade and fruit juices. Most importantly, if you feel you are seriously dehydrated, get yourself immediate medical help. It may very well save your life. Continue reading →

Summer Warning: Alligators

the hungry gator origin

Two-year-old Lane Graves died on June 14 at Disney’s Grand Floridian Resort & Spa after being attacked by an alligator. When the gator lunged for him just after dark at the Seven Seas Lagoon section of the resort, his mother and father immediately jumped into the water to rescue him but were unable to free him from the alligator’s jaws. His body was recovered the next afternoon fully intact.

Like the ten plus toddlers who have died because they were left in cars since the start of the summer season, Lane’s death is a horrific tragedy. Nothing will fill the void that the parents of these children are experiencing. The most we can do is learn from their deaths.

It may surprise you that alligator deaths are somewhat rare. Since records have been kept in 1947, there have been only 24 deaths. In perspective that’s one death every three years. When that person is a loved one the statistics are outrageous.

A week before Baby Graves’ tragic death, an alligator was discovered with a man’s body in its mouth in Lake Hunter in Lakeland, Florida.

Last year two deaths involving alligators were reported in Florida though only one was officially blamed on an alligator. One involved a 22-year old man whose body was found in a pond in Brevard County, Florida. A month before that, a 62-year old man died while snorkeling at Blue Spring State Park near Orange City, Florida. Because no one witnessed the actual attack, it may not have been added to the death toll. That’s not comforting.

Last summer a man in Orange County Texas in his late twenties died after ignoring posted signs warning of alligators in the area. One of the last things he did before lunging into the water was taunt a nearby alligator.

Whether you’re a mariner on the high seas or the occasional tourist, if you travel long enough and wide enough, you’re likely going to find yourself in a land where gators and crocodiles are abundant. It could be a trip to Florida, or a cruise to some tropical island.

Avoid water and swimming at night. Alligators come out to feed from dawn to dusk. That’s not to say, you won’t be attacked during the day if you swim in a pond alligators inhabit. Use common sense.

Alligators feed on small animals, birds, and turtles. They’re not particularly interested in adult humans. They’re way too big. Children and pets are the size of the creatures they hunt so take precautions to safeguard them. With splashing, even adults submerged in water look more like a meal to a ravenous gator.

Crouching or kneeling before an alligator is something only a moron would do. Let me tell you a story about Lester. There was this photographer who thought it was pretty cool to get in the face of an alligator so he could take his picture. Evidently Lester never heard of using a longer lens to bring him up closer. When he squatted down, Lester was signing his own death warrant. All the gator had to do was execute it. You see, when Lester knelt, he made two fatal mistakes with one motion. He made himself smaller by crouching, and he put his body in a mechanical disadvantage. With one swift lunge, that gator would have had Lester’s camera and his neck crushed in the vice of his jaws before he even pressed the shutter. The gator let Lester live that day, but given his lack of common sense, my money is on the gator next time round, who has a brain no bigger than a walnut but evidently bigger than Lester’s.  Continue reading →

Champion of the Ocean

 

If you don't become the ocean, you will be seasick every day. - Leonard Cohen

If you don’t become the ocean, you will be seasick every day.
                                                      – Leonard Cohen

  The impossible missions are the only ones that succeed.                                                                                                                    –   Jacques Yves Cousteau

How appropriate that World Oceans Month is celebrated the same month as Jacques Cousteau’s birthday, June 11. It’s hard to think of anyone who has had a more profound effect on the oceans than Cousteau.

Born in 1910, Jacques Yves Cousteau grew up like any normal boy, maybe more so. People are sometimes surprised that he struggled in school. Now I realize there’s hope for me.

Cousteau’s passion for the sea might never have developed had it not been for an automobile accident. He broke both arms and nearly lost his life. It set him on a life quest that ended where all life began. In the sea.

Make no mistake about it. Cousteau was no slacker, waiting to be catered to. He was tough, passionate, and brave. During World War II, he joined the French Resistance Movement working as a spy. He also worked at the dangerous job of clearing underwater mines.

It was when he went swimming in the Mediterranean Sea that a friend gave him goggles.  It opened his eyes to a world he could never have dreamed of and Jacques Cousteau fell in love with the sea. It held him so deeply that he spent the rest of his life sharing it with the public.

He put it most eloquently when he said, “The sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.”

Among Cousteau’s many roles were French naval officer, explorer, conservationist, author, and researcher. Hundreds of books have been written by or about Jacques Cousteau and his achievements so it’s hard to do his life the justice it deserves in a few sentences.

Divers both recreational and professional literally owe their lives to Cousteau who with Emile Gagnan in 1943 developed practical scuba gear called the Aqua-lung. Finally mankind could dive underwater and truly explore the wonders there.

Profoundly insightful, he knew explorers on any mission needed a base from which to operate. Underwater was no different, and he developed an underwater laboratory called Conshelf I where humans could live and carry out research for long periods at a time. It was so successful, it gave birth to Conshelf II and III.

With his vision, he founded the FOC (French Oceanographic Campaigns) in 1950 and refitted the Calypso, making it a maritime research center. It was an extraordinary move at a time when the world was merrily spraying everything with DDT. But people like Jacques Cousteau and Rachel Carson were just beginning to prick our consciences.

In 1953, he penned Silent World with Frederic Dumas, introducing the world to a fascinating look at life under the sea. The book sold five million copies. He turned it into an award-winning documentary filming aboard the Calypso in 1956. Continue reading →

Sixty Things You’ll Never Hear a Pirate Say

Even pirates have their limitations, but there arrrgghh just some things a pirate will never say.

Even pirates have their limitations, and there arrrgghh just some things a pirate will never say.

  1. Ye think ye can pick me up some deodorant when ye go ashore, mate?
  1. Why don’t we donate this booty to the reverend so he can build a new church?
  1. More rum? No thanks, mate. I’ve had my fill.
  1. Keep yer gold and silver, folks. Ye need it more than me.
  1. It’s Sunday, mate. Let’s bow our heads in prayer.
  1. Does this sword and pistol make me look too violent?
  1. What’s that god-awful smell?
  1. This is me last cruise, mate. After this, I’m joining a monastery.
  1. Someday I’m going to marry a sweet, wholesome, old fashion girl.
  1. A haircut and a shave please.
  1. I have more than enough. You take my share of the booty.
  1. The wenches in this tavern are far too depraved for me.
  1. May I touch yer booty? ( sez a pirate as he looks at a wench’s money.)
  1. May I touch yer booty? (sez a pirate as he eyes the rump of a curvaceous wench.)
  1. It’s been ten years since I had me a drink.
  1. Play cards? No thanks. I want to finish this article in the New York Times.
  1. Put yer clothes on, ye saucy wench. You’re embarrassing me.
  1. Let’s chase that ship down and give ‘er all our gold.
  1. We need a new flag with fairies and rainbows on it.
  1. Let’s fill our cannons with M&M’s and sweeten the world.
  1. I’m going to volunteer for the Red Cross when I get into port.
  2. Where’s the next AA meeting?

Continue reading →