- Pirates always know where to find rum.
- Nobody messes with someone who wears an eye patch, a hook, and a wooden leg.
- Pirates don’t spend a lot of time correcting your grammar.
- Pirates Arr cool.
- Pirates are chick magnets. They always know how to get their hands on booty.
- When you hang out with pirates, at least you’ll be the best smelling one in the group.
- You don’t have to remember which spoon or fork to use if you’re eating at a fancy restaurant.
- If they decide to fire their cannons, you’ll have a blast.
- If you accidentally fart, you can blame it on them.
- You won’t be spending too much time in church.
- You’ll probably be the designated driver of a pirate ship. How cool is that?
- It’s always Five ‘O’Clock Somewhere.
- No matter how bad you are, you’ll look like an angel next to them.
- If you start losing at cards, there’s always a chance the captain will stop the game when he stands on the deck.
- Pirates know how to seas the moment.
- You can get your ears pierced for a buccaneer.
- You won’t have to watch your language.
- If you forget your deodorant, no one will notice.
- No one’s going to make fun of you for what you’re wearing.
- If you spill your Starbucks all over yourself, you won’t have to change your shirt all summer.
- Pirates won’t nag you to call home.
- If you lose your toothbrush, no one will notice.
- No one’s going to ask if they can borrow your comb.
- Pirates won’t get insulted if you belch in public.
- Pirates don’t care whether or not you’re on a diet. The only thing they weigh are anchors.
The Uncommon Mariner
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