bawdy humor

Sixty Things You’ll Never Hear a Pirate Say

Even pirates have their limitations, but there arrrgghh just some things a pirate will never say.

Even pirates have their limitations, and there arrrgghh just some things a pirate will never say.

  1. Ye think ye can pick me up some deodorant when ye go ashore, mate?
  1. Why don’t we donate this booty to the reverend so he can build a new church?
  1. More rum? No thanks, mate. I’ve had my fill.
  1. Keep yer gold and silver, folks. Ye need it more than me.
  1. It’s Sunday, mate. Let’s bow our heads in prayer.
  1. Does this sword and pistol make me look too violent?
  1. What’s that god-awful smell?
  1. This is me last cruise, mate. After this, I’m joining a monastery.
  1. Someday I’m going to marry a sweet, wholesome, old fashion girl.
  1. A haircut and a shave please.
  1. I have more than enough. You take my share of the booty.
  1. The wenches in this tavern are far too depraved for me.
  1. May I touch yer booty? ( sez a pirate as he looks at a wench’s money.)
  1. May I touch yer booty? (sez a pirate as he eyes the rump of a curvaceous wench.)
  1. It’s been ten years since I had me a drink.
  1. Play cards? No thanks. I want to finish this article in the New York Times.
  1. Put yer clothes on, ye saucy wench. You’re embarrassing me.
  1. Let’s chase that ship down and give ‘er all our gold.
  1. We need a new flag with fairies and rainbows on it.
  1. Let’s fill our cannons with M&M’s and sweeten the world.
  1. I’m going to volunteer for the Red Cross when I get into port.
  2. Where’s the next AA meeting?

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