Aaaarrrrrrgh! Talk-like-a-Pirate Day is September 19. Are you ready, mates? Put on yer cleanest eye patch, polish yer pirate accent, and get hooked on a load of rum. Er, I mean fun.
Origins of Talk-like-a-Pirate Day are hard to come by. Some scalawags blame, er, I mean attribute the day to Rover Louis Stevenson, that author of renown disrepute who boldly forged the concept of the pirate in our psyche forever. His book Treasure Island produced generations of pirates, and now there seems no end to them. You can see them everywhere from nursery schools to boardrooms, swinging their plastic cutlasses and raising their schooners in bars and on beaches, toasting the pirate spirit that refuses to die.
If ye want to talk like a pirate, the spelling of the word Aaarrrgh is the first thing ye must master. Some spellings have the word ending with a gh such as Aarrrrgh! Others simply spell the word Aarrr! And make no mistake about this, mates, no respectable pirate would have a conversation without throwing in at least two or three Aarrrghs.
If ye have trouble making your Aaarrrrrgh sound like a real pirate’s, don’t be discouraged. It takes practice. First take a shot of rum or root beer, depending on how much fun ye can stand. Then let the word form back in yer throat like yer gargling. At the same time, roll the RRR as it comes across your tongue. It’s best to do this without letting the rum come spilling out of yer mouth. Otherwise wenches will either cringe or laugh at you.
Sometimes it’s necessary to simply reduce Aarrrgh to its primitive form, Aarrr. This is the preferred use when indulging in a swordfight or boarding a ship, and ye have trouble being heard over the shouting and cursing of other pirates. An “Arrr” is fast and effective as ye swing yer cutlass with one hand while clutching yer rum with yer hook.
Using Arrr instead of Aarrrgh is also useful when forced to walk the plank. It’s a short distance between the plank and the ocean and not a lot of time to shout your favorite profanity: “If I ever get my ********* hands on yer ******* , I’ll shove five ****** up yer ***** ***** ***.” As you can see, Arr works just fine.
If ye really want to blend in with a bunch of pirates, don’t forget to sprinkle yer conversation with a few double negatives. “I don’t want nothing but gold and silver fer me wench.” And be sure to tell the judge: “It weren’t me! I never stole nothing from nobody! All us pirates look the same!” Continue reading →